What does it mean to be a friend of Jesus?

            It seems as though self-love has been a difficult concept to reconcile in the Christian tradition. If we love ourselves is that not a sign of pride and therefore sinful? Or what does it mean to love our neighbor as ourselves? It is a difficult concept to understand, but it is an important concept that builds upon the very foundation of what it means to be human. We also have this concept of friendship. What does it mean to be a friend of Jesus when we it is difficult to foster and nourish friendship in this world? What does it mean when Jesus says I no longer call you servants, but friends? Teresa of Avila and Julian of Norwich offer insight into these problems and help us to see what it means to be a friend of Jesus and how that in turn allows us to love ourselves in a humble and appropriate way. I will begin by explaining the meaning of friendship in Julian and Teresa and then move into a discussion on how this informs self-love.

            Each of these women sought to have Jesus as their friend. Julian describes in her revelations on divine love that she desired to be at the foot of the cross with Mary the mother of Jesus and the beloved disciple. To gaze upon the cross as a friend of the dying Christ, to take part in his suffering that she might know more fully the love of God. At first glance, this may seem as if she is asking for a harsh punishment; she seems to be wishing for her own suffering, which is not a part of human nature. In fact, as humans, we tend to avoid situations where suffering may occur because we always seek to survive. Yet, here is Julian asking for illness. It is important to also acknowledge that she also seeks contrition and a desire to know God. What does this mean? I think that for Julian to be a friend of Christ is to not fear suffering and contrition. It calls for us to embrace the Cross, not to fear it. Denys Turner explains that within Julian's writings there are these understanding of being in the in-betweens. Julian received her visions on her deathbed when she was hovering between life and death. Her focus is on the cross, which is the symbol of both death and life because it is on the Cross where Jesus died, yet because of that Cross he rose to new life and Christians in turn will also be raised to new life. Friendship with Christ is not a relationship that takes place simply when we are thankful for our blessings or when we are in the midst of our own suffering. True friendship with Christ is an all or nothing endeavor. He will be there for us no matter our situation, but what Julian shows, and I think this is important, especially in the current Lenten season, is that we cannot be friends to Christ only on Christmas and Easter, but we must be present in the life of Christ as much as possible, even at the lowest point, on the Cross. We must be like his mother and the beloved disciple and stand at the foot of the cross gazing with love.

            Teresa of Avila has a similar yet different understanding of friendship with Christ. Whereas Julian's idea of friendship comes from gazing upon the crucified Lord at the foot of the cross, Teresa sees this friendship as a relationship of companionship on the spiritual journey. She writes in the Way of Perfection that we are on a journey and what better friend to help us stay the course that Jesus himself. This friendship with Christ serves as the anchor for our earthly journey. Teresa was speaking specifically to her nuns in the monastery and their contemplative prayer life. It is easy to get caught up in the temptations of life, whether it be pride, anger, gossiping or other forms of cattiness that can take place within relationships between people living in close proximity to one another. Rowan Williams explains that Teresa often in her writings is warning her nuns to be aware of the temptations that arise in the world. Just because they live in a monastery does not mean that they are exempt from the trials of the world. In fact, they are more magnified because all humans share the same condition, and within the walls of the monastery the problems of the world exist in a microcosm. Teresa explains that to stay grounded in the friendship of Christ will help us to be better human beings. To practice contemplative prayer and stay grounded in the friendship of Christ helps us to align our minds, hearts, and wills with God. What better and truer friendship is there than to be of one will with your best friend? This is the goal of contemplative prayer. She makes this explicit in the Interior Castle. The final mansion is the room where God dwells. If we can make our way through the rooms and mansions that surround this inner-most room, then we will enter into God and we will cease to be independent of God. Our wills are transformed and conformed to his will. This seems like a tall task, but we are constantly reminded by Teresa that we are not alone on this journey. We have Christ there with every step of the way and in every room we enter. But what does this have to do with self-love?

            The simple answer is that we should love what God loves and God loves us. Yet this is dangerous because we live in a world where we constantly inflate ourselves to a degree that humility is no where to be found or on the opposite side of the spectrum, we find ourselves so unworthy of love that we cannot love ourselves. Neither of these options is how we should love ourselves. We are not called to loathe ourselves and we are not called to exalt ourselves. If we remain with our friend Jesus, we will find this balance of love and humility. We will learn to love ourselves not just for our own sake, but for God's sake. God loves us and when we enter into union with him in contemplative prayer as Teresa explains or as Julian describes, we stand at the foot of the cross and witness the death of our best friend in the ultimate act of love, we are reminded and embraced in the love of God for us. Our reaction should not be to turn away from this love and feel unworthy of it, nor should it be to boast that we are indeed loved by God, but rather, we should return love to God as much as we are able. We should love God and we should love ourselves because this is truly the gift that God has given us: that we are loved and that we can love.

            The teachings of Teresa of Avila and Julian of Norwich are important to our understanding of what it means to be a friend of Christ and of what it means to love ourselves and to be loved by God. Both of these writers are still relevant today because they speak to what we as human beings long for: self-acceptance and acceptance by others. We are relational beings. We are in relationship with God, with others, and with ourselves. In order to live to our fullest potential and to be as true to our humanness as possible, we must learn to love in every respect. Teresa and Julian help us to understand firstly, that this is possible, and secondly, how this is possible.

A little bit on contingency

"The LORD God formed man out of the clay of the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and so man became a living being" (Gen 2:7). There is no better place to start a discussion of contingency than with the beginning where it is apparent that humanity did not spring up on its own. Genesis 2:7 is a powerful introduction to this topic because here we see that humanity is nothing but inanimate clay without the sustenance that God provides. To begin, we see that God formed humanity out of clay. This is portrayal of God as a potter is a striking image because we can instantly related to the beautiful creations that potters have made throughout the centuries. For those with a background in pottery or those that have a working knowledge of the time and skill it takes to create something on the potter's wheel, this image takes on even more meaning. The potter does not haphazardly throw some clay on the wheel and then spin it a few times, no, the potter must take great care to work the clay, shape the clay so there are no weak spots, and use a light touch because the wrong pressure could make the clay revert back to a pile of clay. In the first part of this line we can infer, using the image of the potter, that God took care in form humans out of clay. These clay creations are then not left as inanimate objects for God to play house with. Instead, he animates them with his breath, the breath of life. This is the animating factor for humankind. It is not our breathing of the air that in fact keeps us alive, it is only because God first breathed into us that we are even able to be living, breathing creations, a living being.

            Genesis 2 continues on to explain that God provides a place for humans to inhabit in the garden of Eden. However, God knows that the lone man is not good (v. 18), so he creates animals of the land and air, but "none proved to be the suitable partner for the man" (v. 20). It is not said explicitly here, but we can understand that it is God that makes this determination that the animals were not suitable partners. So God creates the woman as a partner for the man. My reason for this second paragraph is to show that it can be understood in Genesis 2 that God knows what humanity needs. Humanity is contingent on God for its existence, even for its most basic needs.

            Now that we have a base understanding of contingency in Genesis, I want to now write a little bit about Elijah in 1 Kings 18-19. In these two chapters, we see Elijah go from a triumphant high to rock bottom. This is powerful story, I believe, because it can be seen in our own lives today. In 1 Kings 19, we see Elijah hit a low in his earthly journey. After his triumph in chapter 18, Elijah's life is threatened by Jezebel, and he "was afraid and fled for his life, going to Beer-sheba of Judah" (19:3). From there he ventured on alone "a day's journey into the desert, until he came to a broom tree and sat beneath it. He prayed for death" (v. 4).Here we see Elijah is unsure of his safety because of the threats being made against his life by Jezebel. He has a very human reaction: fight of flight. He flees and leaves his servant to be alone. He appears to be in a such a state where he feels that he has no fight left in him.

            Before I move on, I want to touch on a psychological model of survival. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of needs, human beings cannot move along the hierarchy until basic needs have been met. At the very foundation of this hierarchy are the biological and physiological needs: food, water, sleep, air, shelter, warmth. The second level is safety needs. It is clear that Jezebel is threatening Elijah's safety, so he is thrown back to the basic level of needs. Elijah falls asleep underneath the broom tree and "an angel touched him and ordered him to get up and eat" (v. 5). The angel provided him with a hearth cake and water (v. 6). He feel back asleep, but the angel woke him up again saying, "Get up and eat, else the hourney will be too long for you!" (v. 7). I point this out because it seems that God knows what Elijah needs and therefore provides it for him, much like he did with the created man in Genesis. Human beings are completely contingent on God. Elijah could not continue on his journey because his basic biological and physiological needs were not met. It was not until he slept, ate, and drank that he was able to continue his journey.

            Once Elijah makes it to the mountain of Horeb, he is confronted by his call and  his mortality. "But the word of the LORD came to him, 'Why are here, Elijah?' He answered: "I have been most zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts, but the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to the sword. I alone am left, and they seek to take my life'" (v. 9-10). Here Elijah explains that he has been trying to answer and live out his call that he received from God. In doing so, he has put his life in jeopardy for now people want him dead. It seems as if he is drained. He is running on empty and he is not sure what to do now, how to proceed from this point. In this moment, he turns to the one thing that he trusts: the LORD. Without actually saying it, the passage is acknowledging the contingency of the human being. All of these situations are beyond Elijah's control. He has hit the bottom and he is unsure of what his future might hold.

            God does not leave Elijah to fight a battle that he cannot win on his own. Instead he says, "Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by" (11). Just from this statement the reader does not know what God has in mind for Elijah, but one thing is clear, God is going to reveal himself, or at least a glimpse of himself to Elijah. What follows is a striking description of power and might: "A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD—but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake—but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was fire—but the LORD was not in the fire" (v. 11-12). All of these powerful forces of nature make themselves known to Elijah, yet God is not within them. Following all of these extravagant illustrations of power comes "a tiny whispering sound" (v. 12). Elijah does not react to the wind, the earthquake, or the fire, but at the tiny sound of whispering, he hides his "face in his cloak" (v.13). Powerful and mighty as God is, he does not overwhelm. He meets his people where they are. This is the message that we can take from this particular passage. In terms of our contingency, when we hit rock bottom and are looking for signs of God's presence in our lives, we should not only look for major instances of power and might, but instead we should be willing to look to the small and comforting spaces where God is.

            We must trust in God to meet us where we are and provide for us. He met Elijah under the broom tree through his messenger providing food and water, and he met Elijah in the tiny whispering sound amidst the forces of nature. Both Genesis 2 and 1 Kings 18 show us that God knows what we need and will take care of us, we just need to trust in him. We should not be afraid of our contingency, but instead acknowledge it. And when we hit a bump in the road or rock bottom, we can approach God knowing he will ask, "Why are you here?" (v. 9,13) and we can have the strength to tell him and know that he will not fail us. This is how we come to terms with our contingency.