Lead Through Love: Pre-retreat reflections

Tomorrow is the retreat that my friend and I have been working on for months. I thought that since we want tomorrow to be an uplifting and transformative experience, I better start some serious reflecting and praying on the retreat motto: Lead Through Love.

When I think about leading... I think about Jesus. When I think about Jesus... I think about love. When I think about love... I think about the cross. When I think about the cross... I think about Dawson. Dawson made me think about the cross in a new way, but let me set the stage a little bit. When I graduated in 2010 from Aquinas College with my B.A., I did what every college graduate dreams-- I got a job. The job I got was the job that every theology major probably expects: baby-sitting. We aim high in theology.

But yes, the summer after I graduated I got to spend some quality time with a then two-year old Dawson. Dawson and I enjoyed days filled with Mickey Mouse Club House, Mac 'n Cheese, playing at the park, and long walks around the neighborhood. Daws and I often had the most ridiculous conversations about ketchup, the hot dog dance, and buggies. However, there were a couple of conversations that still stick with me, particularly Dawson's observation about the cross.

Me and Daws circa 2010

On one of our walks we passed by a church and Dawson asked me if we were going to church. Me, clearly excited to talk about theology even in the slightest, asked "Daws, do you go to church?" He answered, "Yup." I asked, "Daws, what do you do at church?" He responded, "Pray!" I then inquired, "Well, who do you pray to when you go to church?" And Dawson with unabashed excitement exclaimed, "Baby Jesus!" I chuckled and he turned away from me, clearly ending the conversation. We continued walking and we saw a crucifix. Dawson and I paused and looked at it for a moment. I asked Dawson if he knew who that was and he said Jesus. After another moment of silence, Dawson turned to me pointed at the cross and said, "Jesus needs a hug." 

In that moment, I was astounded by the depth of this two year old. What a different way of thinking about this horrific moment! As I reflected upon "Lead through Love" this story came to mind again, but in light of this motto, I'm beginning to understand it in a new way... maybe in a way closer to Dawson's understanding.

You see, I think when we're older we tend to look at the cross and think "my God died for me, for my sins." This is true, and this might cause us to stay at the foot of the cross. We acknowledge that everything we have: our life, our freedom, our ability to love comes from God and was redeemed upon the cross and in the resurrection. Yet, we sometimes keep our distance. We know that we are not worthy and so we praise God for the wonderful things he has given us, but we stay back.

Dawson did not recognize the space between him and Jesus on that cross. Have you ever seen someone fall in the presence of young children? I swear the first ones to run over and ask if you're okay are the little ones. When they see someone in pain-- skinned knees to knock to the noggin-- kids want to make sure you're okay. They'll even walk to a mom (their mom, your mom, it doesn't matter). This is leading through love. Instead of focusing on how unworthy we are, how sinful we are, we should be running toward God and saying are you okay? Can I help you? What can I do? I am here! 

When we run to God, we run smack dab into his open arms. We meet in an embrace of love. When we are embraced by God we come to know what love is, and when we know what love is we want to share that love. Even as adults, when we see someone in pain we should love like children and run to ask if they're okay. When we get caught up in how unworthy we are, we forget that we have to open the door to God. He is always knocking, will we make the effort to answer? It's when we answer that we can truly lead through love. 

So tomorrow as we go through this retreat, I'm going to follow Dawson's lead and not be afraid to open the door to God. I will accept the challenge to lead though and towards an authentic and true love, which comes only from our authentic and true God who is love.